1. Use your imagination and, and insult them lots – like this: Did your internet date stand you up?

2. Argue with them, until the early hours of the morning if necessary! Never give up, never surrender.

3.  Briefly mention that God is on your side.

4.   Point them to a few YouTube videos that explain your point vaugely. Rick Roll ‘em if you need to.

5. Carefully construct all your sentences so that

6. Keep them waiting until they think you’re done, and repeat #1-6.

That’s it, hope this helps everyone get more clients, feel better looking, and fills-in all your paperwork and feeds your cat (or dog)!!

Go FireFox! I’m so totally charged that now the final version has come out I can spend hours updating stuff! It’s great! Have you tried Firefox yet? You’re not using IE are you?

Anyway, there’s loads of cool stuff to play with in your new Firefox! What are you doing right now if you’re not searching for useful extentions? Don’t waste your time with IE, Firefox is OpenSource!

Seriously, if it wasn’t for Firefox, I’d have lost my virginity so much earlier! How horrific! Still,  now I can get all the girls ’cause with my macpro they’ll be running around naked in the sun drinking booze! I’m so gonna score tonight, so are you, if you download Firefox 3.5!

Life is awesome!

2. People invite you to participate in awesome apps, coupled with contextually-relevant ads!! Why don’t you just sort it out and send your bank account number to Facebook so they can take care of everything? Everyone’s doing it, why the hell aren’t you!?

3. People post really interesting stuff all day long! Why bother getting a life or even a job? You can make your money online, and keep up to date with the most meaningful thoughts to come out of your friends minds all the time! What an epic life you’ll have!

4. Facebook even change their minds if you don’t like their changes! Why, it’s your website after all, who are they to say what goes? You can tell them how you feel, and they’ll change everything for you! Great!!!

5. You don’t have to worry about the “New World Order”, facebook has your details safely stored. There’ll be no need for ID cards or microchip implantation, simply because Facebook will have your info and never say a word!

That’s our list. Amazing right? Yeah!

2. Sign up your band and follow everyone you’re following and all their followers too! It’s a totally great way to build followers instantly! No one will mind if they don’t like your style of music, because they will want to seem hip too, and they’ll follow you! Your record deal is right around the corner, don’t miss out!

3. Tell everyone about your sex life! Apart from gaining loads of new followers, people will try and help you overcome your relationship’s erectile dysfunction!  Because twitter is a global phenomena, you’ll get some really diverse and holistic advice! Priceless! (If you’re adolescent, just lie! It’s easy!!)

4. Set up an Auto-DM! People are already taking advantage of this kind of service, if you don’t reciprocate, how are you going to ‘connect’? Try some wording, but be sure to tell people how much you’re going to enjoy their tweets!

5. Re-tweet random stuff. Everyone does this and you can see how popular they are! You have to re-tweet to be anything on twitter, as musings about your cat are great, but re-tweeting will give you that edge you’ve been needing! That’s it. I hope you were inspired by my amazingly cool list. Please RT!